Thursday, August 17, 2006

8/17/06 EFT

An Email to a friend...


I haven't had the room open much this week since you are gone and Mikee doesn't really hang out there much anyway... but things have improved for me.
I have been paying attention to H and JC much more.
I have caught myself going back to my usual antics and then I will correct my bad habits (shooting from the hip) and following our plans. I'm only down $40 for the whole week. That is a major deal for me. I will have two really bad trades and then I will catch myself and then trade our setups and do them right. I have found I am much less emotional after I catch myself... even to the point of just watching tv while the trade it going and just moving stops as I should... boring... just like it should be.
Also.. I know this is a bit alternative for 2 hard core conservatives like ourselves but the concept has worked... remember that email I sent to you from Olm trader? About EFT emotion free techniques? Where you tap areas of your head, chest or hands to change your thought process? If you don't I will resend it too you. I have a set of disk from a website that was free that goes into great detail about this technique... emofree.com the Olm trader email references the guy that created this system but the concepts are proven to work... invoking the left and right brain to get over emotional obstacles. It has worked for me in my trading. I know it looks strange but I think I could just tap my problems away! Seriously.. look into it. The disc are free or I can send you a copy of mine.



Trader X

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Mr Ego

So today I started again with real money...
Right off the bat I was trading even for the first 3 trades or so. Then of course I started digging hole. I wasn't following rules was just trying some crazy tick hooks and just on the fly trading.... Ended up down $240! I got made... But not at the market. I go really pissed off at myself! It wasn't the markets fault... Totally mine.

Here I've been trading this simple HOLP/LOHP method on paper for what... 3 months now? Every time I go to real money I start doing crazy stuff and just throw out the window what I have been rehearsing on paper. I was really disappointed with myself. I though about just shutting down the machine and walking away for the day. I decided that I was going to take a break regardless for a few minutes.

The important part of this story so far is that I used to just get upset at the market for losing money but for some reason today I took responsibility for my own losing trades because I had no structure. I was shooting from the hip because I think I must be some great trader that can just know where the market is going and it will go there... Well if 2 years of losing money trading hasn't finally taught me that the market will do what it wants and that it isn't my own person little minion the I don't know what will teach me that lesson...... except I might have finally learned that it is my fault and I OWN my results! No one else.

I took my break and almost walked away decided that I would go back to paper until after Labor day.

But then I saw something... a perfect holp setup... and it was in the direction of the trend today (up) so I said what the hell and went long. My first instinct was to start looking at tick hooks and move my stop to tight but I decided just to set my stop and let it ride... with a pp order in place.
Market moved and I got my partial profit and I move my stop to BE and then let it ride... stopped out. Now I'm down about $200. I go leave for lunch.

At least I followed my rules for one trade and made back a little. At lunch I just sat there asking myself just how much longer I was going to let myself continue to blow up... It's been almost 2 years that I've been doing this and the way I traded in the morning is the way I was trading the first morning I ever tried this 2 years ago.... like an emotional blathering idiot! Seriously.. Have I learned nothing in 2 years? I was beginning to wonder? Maybe I hadn't. If that is the case then why should I continue to trade? I shouldn't!

Just like RJ says "... if you have no reasonable expectations of making money then don't trade". I really didn't have any so why was I trading? I don't like to lose. Really, I have no gambling needs at all. Absolutely none. I don't get thrills from trading and losing. Then why do I do it?
I am beginning to think that I do it because I have this sick need to prove to myself that I can just wing it and do better than 95% of the other losing traders out there. Ahhh... so it's an ego thing... I feel like I have to be good enough to just trade on the fly and $ will just appear in my account. Like a mystical magic. I should be that good! Why... because the great traders I know all do that right? Well... no they don't. The fact that it looks like they do that doesn't mean they do. They don't!

So after I finished my lunch I put my unchecked ego into my drink cup and threw it away. Gone... Left it at Hardees. I went home.

There on my monitor was another perfect lohp. I took it, set my stop, set my pp and just watched. Every time I had the urge to take the trade off at a loss or a little profit I forced myself just sit there and do nothing. Even though my ego was several miles away it was still reaching out for me... like pandora's box... it wanted me to open the lid and let it out. I refused! I sat.
Market went in my direction and I got my PP. I moved my stop up to BE and once again just forced myself to just watch it. Stopped out again! Oh well.. Still I'm up another $50 on the trade and only down $150 now.

As soon as I'm stopped I get a long signal so once again I take it, set my stops, put in PP order and once again I side there for almost 30 minutes while the market trades sideways... at one point 1 tick away from my stop but I just sit there in silent defiance! I will not give in.

2 years of doing stupid things and for once I just sit there and take the pain of doing nothing but let it ride. As the market approaches my stop I know I'm out for certain and I am really getting upset at the market for taking me out again but I am more upset with myself for wanting to just lock in the loss and hit the exit button for no other reason than I want to be in the opposite direction. Ego says reverse. My ego had found me again but this time I found a better place to put it. I grabbed my ego and put it into a container of tupperware filled with ice and then threw it into the freezer! There! See how that feels Mr. Ego! I let the trade ride with my rules.

Market finally moves my way and I get my PP and move stop as I have mechanically done on paper for so long, so many times! Market continues to go my way. Every 5 min bar I adjust my stop to where it should be like clock work. Market stays sideways again for 15 minutes. Mr. Ego is dethawing and wanting to take profits and run while I'm still down $100. Mr. Ego wants to go against the rules. I find my container of tupperware and pour in liquid nitrogen for extra freezing capabilities and put it back into the freezer.

Market moves my way again but not before almost hitting my stop by 1 tick. Up it goes and so follows my stop. I have seen this before. I know what the market wants to do. I've seen this....
Market moves again and my stop follows... I'm actually profitable for the day now! Should I just take my profits and run? The liquid nitrogen is sublimely boiling off as my ego is trying to find it's way back to me. I follow my rules but the market is a little different now.

I've seen this before... it's getting weaker and coming toward my stop. I leave it. I steadfastly follow the rules and leave it. I am stopped. Out!

Now I am +$20.... and I am happy. Not because I got back to BE for the day but because I fought my personal battle and I won. I finally won.

I think I have learned something... just hoping to not forget this.

Trader X

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