Thursday, June 10, 2010
6.10.2010 rehearsal
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yGMJlc-o4-Q&feature=related
I was compelled enough to add this link for a youtube vid bedcause it is my belief that rehearsing is the only way to make and nurture new neural pathways to create the wanted emotional state ever time. This is my new mantra.
I was compelled enough to add this link for a youtube vid bedcause it is my belief that rehearsing is the only way to make and nurture new neural pathways to create the wanted emotional state ever time. This is my new mantra.
I did an experiment today. the first few trades (2 actually) put me under water as I was shorting while the market was going up. I didn't get upset or angry at the market. I just recognized what was going on and said to myself I have 2 choices. Up to this point my plan was as rehearsed. Just a strong trending day is all. My first choice is to just stop trading since fading wasn't working. My second choice was to wait for a long entry. I waited and lo and behold a long entry came. I went long and that is where the emotional rollercoaster starts.
First... I stalked calmly. Entered and market went against me. I did not move my stop as it was at the other side or support. I just sat, literally, on my hands and forced myself to feel. Angry (bastards are going to take my money again), regret (Dammit... I should have waited longer even though that isn't my plan), Sick feeling in bottom of stomach as I was having another losing trade. Then I just sat there and let those feelings flow. I next looked at my stop and it was very true that if it hit my stop that the trade was no longer valid. It had broken the support and there was no reason to hang around. In fact my stop is my defense and I started to feel very good about the trade because I had stalked it correctly and entered it correctly and now I was following through the mechanics correctly. Hmmm I was doing everything right yet I wasn't feeling good about it. I decided I was just going to have to make myself feel good about it because I was doing everything right! I calmed down and just watched it. It traded up past breakeven an into profit zone.
It hadn't hit my tgt yet but I was at Break even for the day and I was very tempted to just close it out and walk away. I had my finger on the button several times.... but I didn't. I was going to continue this trade as I was suppose to. It chopped there for at least 15 mins and I just forced myself to sit on my hands. I forced myself to just follow the plan. I was so sick and tired of not following plan that I was going to do it no matter what! I can't be worse then not following the plan. I just watched and took in all those emotions making sure that I was very aware of them and feeling them to the max. Kinda savoring the moment. Ahhhh yes... I have formed so many bad habits, as per video, about running all my trades in flight or fight mode of short term memory that I refused to yield to my emotions. I was at BREAK EVEN FOR THE DAY!!!!! Take the money an run! Feel good about it because you had a sucessful day! REALLY? not following my rules might make today a break even day but it won't make my day profitable because I have limited it myself to just break even. Then if I don't follow my rules I am limiting my week to not being profitable because I never gave the day a chance to being profitable. Hmmmm I was starting to see that maybe those LIMITING emotions were really not good for me afterall... I understood what they were trying to do. They were trying to protect me. Understood! I appreciate it too... I really do but.... I have created very bad emotional habits with good intents. I was going to start right here and now of creating good emotional habits that don't limit my beliefs.
Now having said all of this I was completely aware that by not exiting the trade right then and there still might go against me and the day and week would be negative. OK... but I can guareentee it if I exit now... or give my plan a chance to succeed by ACTUALLY FOLLOWING IT!!!!!! What a novel concept.
I steadfastly sat on my hands and followed my plan. I moved up stop to below the next support level. If it broke that then the trade was no longer valid and I don't want to own it any more. Simple. The market reversed to just one tick above my stop. You STUPID IDIOT!!!!! You COULD HAVE BEEN BREAK EVEN FOR THE DAY!!! BUT nnnnnNNNNNNNoooooOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! you just had to follow your little plan didn't you! STupid stupid stupid!!!!!!!! you could have just walked away a winner but nope! A loser once again..... As it sat there just one tick away I let it all go... OK, just take me out. I was emotionally very tired at this point. I just wanted it to be over but I wasn't going to end it. The market would have to do it for me and I was quite confident that it would... just one more tick... Come on you bastards... take it! Why can't you just take me out to end this pain! I yield!!!!!!!! Take IT!!!!!!!!!
They wouldn't. The trade went back up to BE for the Day. Exhausted I just couldn't end the trade. I sat on my hands and just let the emotions flow..... Let me feel it all. I was following my rules no matter what my self talk was saying. No matter how stupid it made me feel, no matter what.. I followed the plan. The market just chopped there. It was creating a bullish flag with offered hope as each bar had higher lows. I just waited.
It finally broke to the upside. It broke to vengence. My first tgt was hit and I took off 1/2 of the trade. Then the saga continues........
OK, I'm BE for the day and actually at a profit but I need this baby to run up a few more points to erase yesterdays loss. I can just feel it. I know it's going to do it. I'm going to let this thing go because if it doesn't do it now... it will after it retraces. Yes, I know it will. I should move my stop down to make sure I don't get taken out. So what that I might give up most of my winnings for the day but I know it's going to run up there eventually. I know it!
I just sat on my hands and had my stop just where it should be so that if it broke down I capture most of my gain...... I forced myself to do nothing and just let it go according to plan! Imagine that.
It reversed and took me out. Now something like 2 hours later it still hasn't hit that level.
This is just normal emotional rollercoaster I feel on each and every trade. No wonder I can't do this for more than a few hours at a time!
Call this a live rehearsal of my trading plan. After the trade all those emotional parts kinda were in shock... I mean I did the exact opposite of what they all wanted me to do at every point in the trade and it still worked! I made money and now I'm at break even for the week with a great chance of being profitable. I think the truth that those emotions now understand, and will need to be reminded of frequently, is that the plan is a better trader than they are and even though they think they are serving my best interest of trying to protect me that they are doing more harm than good. That is the truth and they are now working on that understanding.
Maybe there is something to this trading the plan stuff? Heeheeee
Trader X
First... I stalked calmly. Entered and market went against me. I did not move my stop as it was at the other side or support. I just sat, literally, on my hands and forced myself to feel. Angry (bastards are going to take my money again), regret (Dammit... I should have waited longer even though that isn't my plan), Sick feeling in bottom of stomach as I was having another losing trade. Then I just sat there and let those feelings flow. I next looked at my stop and it was very true that if it hit my stop that the trade was no longer valid. It had broken the support and there was no reason to hang around. In fact my stop is my defense and I started to feel very good about the trade because I had stalked it correctly and entered it correctly and now I was following through the mechanics correctly. Hmmm I was doing everything right yet I wasn't feeling good about it. I decided I was just going to have to make myself feel good about it because I was doing everything right! I calmed down and just watched it. It traded up past breakeven an into profit zone.
It hadn't hit my tgt yet but I was at Break even for the day and I was very tempted to just close it out and walk away. I had my finger on the button several times.... but I didn't. I was going to continue this trade as I was suppose to. It chopped there for at least 15 mins and I just forced myself to sit on my hands. I forced myself to just follow the plan. I was so sick and tired of not following plan that I was going to do it no matter what! I can't be worse then not following the plan. I just watched and took in all those emotions making sure that I was very aware of them and feeling them to the max. Kinda savoring the moment. Ahhhh yes... I have formed so many bad habits, as per video, about running all my trades in flight or fight mode of short term memory that I refused to yield to my emotions. I was at BREAK EVEN FOR THE DAY!!!!! Take the money an run! Feel good about it because you had a sucessful day! REALLY? not following my rules might make today a break even day but it won't make my day profitable because I have limited it myself to just break even. Then if I don't follow my rules I am limiting my week to not being profitable because I never gave the day a chance to being profitable. Hmmmm I was starting to see that maybe those LIMITING emotions were really not good for me afterall... I understood what they were trying to do. They were trying to protect me. Understood! I appreciate it too... I really do but.... I have created very bad emotional habits with good intents. I was going to start right here and now of creating good emotional habits that don't limit my beliefs.
Now having said all of this I was completely aware that by not exiting the trade right then and there still might go against me and the day and week would be negative. OK... but I can guareentee it if I exit now... or give my plan a chance to succeed by ACTUALLY FOLLOWING IT!!!!!! What a novel concept.
I steadfastly sat on my hands and followed my plan. I moved up stop to below the next support level. If it broke that then the trade was no longer valid and I don't want to own it any more. Simple. The market reversed to just one tick above my stop. You STUPID IDIOT!!!!! You COULD HAVE BEEN BREAK EVEN FOR THE DAY!!! BUT nnnnnNNNNNNNoooooOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! you just had to follow your little plan didn't you! STupid stupid stupid!!!!!!!! you could have just walked away a winner but nope! A loser once again..... As it sat there just one tick away I let it all go... OK, just take me out. I was emotionally very tired at this point. I just wanted it to be over but I wasn't going to end it. The market would have to do it for me and I was quite confident that it would... just one more tick... Come on you bastards... take it! Why can't you just take me out to end this pain! I yield!!!!!!!! Take IT!!!!!!!!!
They wouldn't. The trade went back up to BE for the Day. Exhausted I just couldn't end the trade. I sat on my hands and just let the emotions flow..... Let me feel it all. I was following my rules no matter what my self talk was saying. No matter how stupid it made me feel, no matter what.. I followed the plan. The market just chopped there. It was creating a bullish flag with offered hope as each bar had higher lows. I just waited.
It finally broke to the upside. It broke to vengence. My first tgt was hit and I took off 1/2 of the trade. Then the saga continues........
OK, I'm BE for the day and actually at a profit but I need this baby to run up a few more points to erase yesterdays loss. I can just feel it. I know it's going to do it. I'm going to let this thing go because if it doesn't do it now... it will after it retraces. Yes, I know it will. I should move my stop down to make sure I don't get taken out. So what that I might give up most of my winnings for the day but I know it's going to run up there eventually. I know it!
I just sat on my hands and had my stop just where it should be so that if it broke down I capture most of my gain...... I forced myself to do nothing and just let it go according to plan! Imagine that.
It reversed and took me out. Now something like 2 hours later it still hasn't hit that level.
This is just normal emotional rollercoaster I feel on each and every trade. No wonder I can't do this for more than a few hours at a time!
Call this a live rehearsal of my trading plan. After the trade all those emotional parts kinda were in shock... I mean I did the exact opposite of what they all wanted me to do at every point in the trade and it still worked! I made money and now I'm at break even for the week with a great chance of being profitable. I think the truth that those emotions now understand, and will need to be reminded of frequently, is that the plan is a better trader than they are and even though they think they are serving my best interest of trying to protect me that they are doing more harm than good. That is the truth and they are now working on that understanding.
Maybe there is something to this trading the plan stuff? Heeheeee
Trader X
6/10/2010 emotions......
the conquest of the last frontier has begun. The battle for not controlling the emotions... but creating the ones I want for when I want them.
Trader X
Trader X
